Dear Dad -
I want to share something about my life that is important because I love
you. I am gay. I have only known this about myself since I was 25. In
the years that have passed since then, keeping this a secret from you
has become more and more of a burden. It has also placed an invisible
wall between us in that I can not share with you much of what goes on in
my life, something that straight children take for granted. I could not
share the excitement of dating somebody new nor the pain when things
didn't work out. I have spent many nights crying with a broken heart,
alone, unable to call you for support.

I know that you may be feeling shocked, confused, angry, and sad; and
perhaps you might feel that, somewhere along the way, you have failed as
parents. From what I have read, these are common reactions. You have
not failed as parents; you have both been wonderful. Nobody chooses to
be gay and I accept myself and am happy with who I am. My friends have
known for some time and they accept me as well. I hope that you will be
happy for me.

Part of me thinks that you might have suspected for some time that I am
gay since I never brought home girls while in school and I never talk
about dating or women now. On the other hand, my being gay may have
come as a complete surprise to you and you may need to take some time to
get used to the idea. Hopefully, a few years from now, our relationship
will be closer than it has been in the past. This is part of the reason
I am coming out to you: to tear down the wall between us. When we speak
on the phone and you ask me what is going on in my life and I say,
"Nothing, " I have been lying. I haven't been lying to deceive you, but
because I could not tell you the truth. This lying has been eating at
me for some time now and I'm tired of it. So this was the choice I had
to make: either keep lying and allow us to grow even farther apart from
each other, or tell the truth and hopefully have a better relationship
in the long run.

I know you have always loved me very much. It was very hard to mail
this letter for fear of losing that love. I have cried several times
while writing it. Although you may not understand about being gay, I
hope that you still love me now. Know that I am the same person now as
I was before you read this letter; you just know one more thing about
me. I am still "Paul Jay." When you are ready, you are welcome to call
me so we can talk about this more.

Love,

Matt