My lawyer, Jay from Eugene, is an idiot. He sucks. Off-the-top-of-my-head, I’ve never witnessed such professional misconduct. He repeatedly violates his fiduciary duties as my lawyer. Isn’t he supposed to be on my side, defending me, looking out for and serving my best interests? Is he going to work and fight for me? Is he going to do what I’ve paid him to do? Does he care? Of course he can be amicable and professional at times, which only adds drama and doesn’t make-up for his irresponsible conduct and dereliction of duty. Some little power-trip to get one over on me, the beast works in mysterious ways. More-over, this contrast leads me to believe he is gaming, conceited and deceptive for obscure or meaningless purposes, the old ego antagonist sociopath game. Another manipulative wacked-out sociopathic gaming buffoon. He seems too old to be lawyering, an over-worked weary frazzled grandpa, out of touch with the current state of law. I’ve never seen such swollen rings under the eyes. His negative behavior is very out of context and peculiar. He easily agitated or irritated for no apparent reason. His talk can be abusive and insulting. I have to watch not to anger him. He doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. His moods fluctuate, at times he is totally out-of-it. Why does he resent me? Is this how he treats all his clients?

Apparently he thinks I was some spoiled and privileged rich kid. Little does he know of my history of adversity. I lived with my real dad for about 6 months, the supposed “privileged life” (I did visit him for summers too), which Jay later snidely refers to in his closing statement to the judge at sentencing. So after that 6 months, he lost everything and I moved back with my step dad. I was definitely not some privileged kid. Furthermore I was secretly unhappy and severely depressed. I lived in a big rental house with about 8 other people. In all, I went to 4 different high schools and never really had any friends. I was always going through the shit, one big drama with lots of episodes. It was doom and gloom for my late teens through my mid 20s. I had no car. I was so broke and frustrated that I dropped out of high school my junior year to get a job, then there were no jobs. These were unhappy bad times, early 90s. There was a lot of grief, despair, depression, pain, suffering, frustration, stress, futile desperation and personal turmoil. Hard-times, boo-hoo. Jay doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He should have asked for my memoirs. Where does he get his information? For him to ridicule me as a privileged kid is flat-out 100% insulting. He must get off on sticking it to me. But, I’m still a naive dimwit, I didn’t know what was going on. I’m so use to abuse that I’m numb to it. I wish I would have written down all the bullshit antics he pulled.

I provided Jay an in-depth account of the Smith fiasco, which he never read, I much later conclude. He thinks I’m lying and not telling the whole truth. I really have to drill him that I’m telling the truth, and even then it doesn’t register. He gives me the strong impression that he could care less about me or the case. He refuses to know or consider many particulars. He seems rather tweaked, maybe it’s burnout, drugs, frustration or stress, definitely social dysfunction. He advises against filing police report about the Smiths until after this is settled. Many times it seems he is siding with the DA and Smiths. He keeps insisting and referring to the case as a money dispute, even after I explain the particulars of how there was never any money disputed. I never heard of me owing any money until the police got involved. It’s as if I have to educate him about what extortion is. He repeatedly says that the Smith’s have nothing to do with the case. It’s as if he’s trying to brainwash me, or pulling-one or pushing-one over on me. Does he expect me to say nothing or agree with his twisted misconceptions?

As I diligently point out important issues and events, he gives me the diss. It’s a game, some ego power trip, where I’m to be played and he’s going to do and think as he pleases to my detriment. He can be rather charming at times, but it’s some sham designed to get me to open-up so he can dig-into, gouge and manipulate me. His haughtiness is a little bewildering, he seeks to confuse and disrupt the relationship so he can dominate it through his cunning and ruthless tricks and games. He’s always coming-up with out of context petty meaningless odd out-of-context unfounded put-downs and comments, a few of which are that I have mental issues or joking like I’m making up stories. He is the deranged one and in fact, tweaked. Is he on drugs? He has many subtle and direct ways of dissing, ridiculing and mocking me. He’s down on me and makes his disgust known. His abusive games are much more amusing for him than working on the case. He implies that I’m wasting his time.

Some of his favorite off-hand remarks in his emails are “your mystified man” your “frank Frank”. “Mystified” implies that I’m a lying idiot, “frank” implies that he is straight-forward, above-board and honorable (not). He’s a crooked little sniveler in my book. He’s trying to punk me to some way. One of his more memorable mocking comments was “they didn’t kill you”, a ridiculing response to one of my concerns, implying that my concern is of no importance and to shut-up. Am I supposed to have a come-back and partake in his meaningless childish games? Am I supposed to cringe and make some facial expression while he steam-rolls me? It’s absurdity. At times he’s impolite, harsh, unfriendly, cold, pushy, haughty, neglectful, arrogant, moody, macho, disinterested, rude, non-caring, unreasonable, uncooperative and unsympathetic. At times he treats me as if I’m a repulsive adolescent deviant liar. I sense some strong resentment. He uses intimidation by implying that he could really screw or sabotage me if I make protests, question or cross his path. Ego maniac power-tripper dick-head. And, meanwhile I’m just trying to get along, but it only seems to invite his stupid antics. At the settlement conference with one of the judges, he ridiculed me with distain, implying that I’m a stupid deranged crazy. He and the DA make fun of my yellow sticky note-taking, implying that I’m some find of neurotic lunatic. I suppose they likely distain note-taking, diligence, writing, creativity and facts. He must love manipulating and humiliating me while manipulating others. I imagine he ridicules me behind my back to the DA and his friends. I mostly forgot about much of his bullshit because it was so out of context and petty, it didn’t make sense and I wasn’t taking note of it. Some smoke and mirrors bullshit. But, eventually I got the clue. What a lousy dirtbag smuck. He makes me sick.

It seems he’s just winging-it. He repeatedly sides with DA. I doubt he’s spent much time on the case. He’s not upfront about things and doesn’t reassure me that its going to be ok, that he’s working hard (he doesn’t inform, explain, call etc). He’s bluntly uninterested. It doesn’t sound like he really cares, wants to fight or is hard at work. He is not serious about case. He basically wants out, maybe he’s trying to get rid of me so he can run with my money. He doesn’t explain things (what ifs, timelines, court/law process, laws, what ifs, strategy, issues, etc). He rushes me into things (I only get his opinion Monday night and court is Wednesday). Is he going to work and fight for me? Is he going to do what I’ve paid him to do? Is he a negotiator? Doubt sets in. He doesn’t want to work on the case. I seriously doubt his integrity and commitment. I need a better lawyer, a fighter sharpie. I would have fired him, but I can’t afford to spend another 12k on a new lawyer who is new to the case.

The DA’s offer is ___ Jay pressures me to take the deal saying it’s a good offer. It doesn’t sound like a deal to me. My family advises that I counter-offer. Why didn’t he suggest a counter-offer & negotiation? It seems he has no fight. He wants out of the case, he wants it over with. He seems to be rushing me into last minute decisions. He gives poor advice. I counter-offer for a 5 year felony. We negotiate and play games with my future. I have significantly less anxiety, but it is still very substantial. I have been going through some serious back and neck pain.

SETTLEMENT. I’m so tired of the bullshit, I want it to end. I give it up. After much delay and negotiation, the DA won’t budge on their offers; 1) plead to ___.

SENTENCING. Jay’s closing speech was disappointingly weak and ill-prepared. How much time did he spend preparing his closing statement? He starts out that I was some privileged rich kid. Does he imply I’m a deviant punk was motivated by greed? He tells the judge that I threatened the ___ with my gun, telling them to get off my property, implying I threatened their safety, i.e. menacing. This is totally false. Why would he say that? I briefly pointed a gun at ___ upon first encountering him because I was afraid that he may be armed and intending to rob me, which seemed very probable given the circumstances. And, he was trespassing and he knew he was not welcome. I ceased pointing the gun because he didn’t appear to be aggressive or armed, and I was relatively safe behind a locked gate. I never threatened him in any way or ask him to leave. I merely told him I never wanted to see or talk to him again, in no way was this in a threatening or aggressive mode. I never pointed a gun or threatened his father either. Furthermore, I can not recollect even one instance of ever verbally or physically threatening anyone ever in my lifetime. On my police report appears a 1991 conviction for PC (protective custody), Fight, Noise Offensive Words, which are bogus charges, I was jumped and framed in this instance by two rookie cops. My lawyer refers to the whole incident as merely extortion, without elaborating on the extent of the death threat foul-play scam. Apparently it has little to do with the case. Once again my lawyer leads me to believe he has never even read my narrative or given any attentive thought to the details. Jay seems to be shaming me. The Judge looks at me with seething disgust and sentences me

Afterword, I am displeased that Jay told the judge that I threaten the Smiths to get off my property with a gun. He says that he didn’t say that. Lying bastard. Well, at least our relationship is over. So-long, hope you drive into a ditch. I feel sorry for his other clients.